Well, Tiger Woods sure has caused quite a stir – but from a legal perspective, I think the jurisdictional goof by the Florida Highway Patrol sticks out the most.

You see, Tiger Woods lives in an exclusive, private, community called Isleworth. What that means in layman’s terms is that the public is not allowed to drive on their finely paved roads (or play golf on their well-manicured greens).

So where am I going with this? Me thinks FHP is starstruck and asserting jurisdiction they do not have. Specifically, Section 316.640, Florida Statutes, states:

316.640 Enforcement.–The enforcement of the traffic laws of this state is vested as follows:
(1) STATE.–
(a)1.a. The Division of Florida Highway Patrol …have authority to enforce all of the traffic laws of this state on all the streets and highways thereof and elsewhere throughout the state wherever the public has a right to travel by motor vehicle.
(2) COUNTIES.–
(a) The sheriff’s office … shall enforce all of the traffic laws of this state on all the streets and highways thereof and elsewhere throughout the county wherever the public has the right to travel by motor vehicle. In addition, the sheriff’s office may be required by the county to enforce the traffic laws of this state on any private or limited access road or roads over which the county has jurisdiction pursuant to a written agreement.

Now the best way I can bring this home for you is to give an analogy. If Tiger Woods lived on a 50 acre ranch (Isleworth is 600) and crashed his tractor into a tree (sans 9-iron wielding wife), everyone would agree that the Orange County Sheriff’s Office had jurisdiction – not the Florida Highway Patrol. So you need to think of the Isleworth enclave as a really fancy ranch (and for the historian buffs, it used to be an Orange Grove Plantation).

Now that we have established that FHP is snooping around where they have no business snooping, we must ask ourselves: what are they up to? Well here is what I think is going on.

FHP is justifying (in their minds) the medical records subpoena to further a “DUI investigation” (cough, cough – bull$h!t). They will say that they hope Encompass Health took a blood draw at the hospital – and the blood draw will show controlled substances (prescription or illegal) in his system that would justify a DUI charge. Never mind he likely was taking pain killers of some sort for his previous knee surgery.

But my unfaithful readers know better than to believe such an altruistic motive. What FHP is really hoping to obtain are incriminating statements in furtherance of – hold it, hold it – a domestic violence investigation.

See, under Section 90.803(4), Florida Statutes, a statement made to doctors in furtherance of medical diagnosis is admissible against the person who made the statement.

90.803  Hearsay exceptions; availability of declarant immaterial.

The provision of s. 90.802 to the contrary notwithstanding, the following are not inadmissible as evidence, even though the declarant is available as a witness:
..
4)  Statements for Purposes of Medical Diagnosis or Treatment.–Statements made for purposes of medical diagnosis or treatment by a person seeking the diagnosis or treatment, or made by an individual who has knowledge of the facts and is legally responsible for the person who is unable to communicate the facts, which statements describe medical history, past or present symptoms, pain, or sensations, or the inceptions or general character of the cause or external source thereof, insofar as reasonably pertinent to diagnosis or treatment.

So what is FHP hoping they will find out? They are hoping they will find the conversation with the treating doctor went something like this:

Doctor: So Mr. Woods, those are some nasty cuts you have there, mind telling me how you got them?

Tiger: Well, you see doc, my uber hot wife picked up this garbage gossip magazine that had a story about me smooching with this other chick on the side. She then grabbed a 9-Iron and started chasing me out of the house. I jumped in my Escalade and tried to escape with my life. As I was backing out I hit a fire-hydrant and then a tree. Right as she was about to kill me my neighbor came out (note to agent, Christmas is not far away) and saw her holding the 9-iron. She then acted like she was breaking out the windows to save me.

That is right unfaithful ones – I believe FHP is trying to make Tiger’s wife miserable by arresting his wife for Domestic Violence. Go figure.

So while everyone else is trying to figure out what is going on – you tell them you heard it here first.

p.s. For an interesting take on what went through Tiger’s mind when looking for a criminal lawyer, please read Brian Tannebaum’s blog entry: How Famous People Handle Problems, Like Car Accidents.